Dear Estranged Mother Or Estranged Grandmother
To the estranged Mama or Grandmother who may be reading this post: We’re probably both well aware that there’s an assumptive online narrative that you “must” have been a terrible person for your child to walk away… That you deserve the silence, or surely earned your adult child’s disrespect.
In my work, I sit with mothers who are heartbroken, guilt-ridden and wondering if they have any worth or value. I know firsthand the tears they cry and the sorrow they carry. I know how they miss their children and long for grandchildren - some of whom they’ve never even got to meet (yet).
So let me say this to you… I am disrupting that narrative. And so are others in the estrangement and reconciliation space. The truth should be more accurately represented. You are not unseen or forgotten.
Families have problems. That happens when people love each other. They sometimes choose wrong and people do get hurt. That’s not to minimize anyone’s experience; but to normalize being human and finding our way to a healed state in spite of challenges along the way. Your child might have some very valid points.
And at the same time, you are not doomed to guilt and shame. Our culture has leaned into me-centricity and self-protection over forgiveness, love and true emotional healing. That needs to change.
The misguided judgments of people who do not even know you - while, they might fit poetically on a Facebook graphic - do not tell the whole story.
You get to work on healing your emotions and repairing the relationship while also maintaining your dignity and a sense of self respect. Those paths are not mutually exclusive.
The best we can do is repent where it’s needed, forgive ourselves, learn to do better and model emotional regulation, forgiveness and love… Talk to God about it. Get the right support. But do not let the “social media warriors” run your thoughts.
Stay off Tik Tok if you need to. Opt out of the triggers. Focus on up-leveling. Go have a decaf coffee or tea. Spend time with people who remind you that you are easy to love. Take some time for you. Tell yourself this IS going to be okay.
Turn off the noise… And if it isn’t Bible aligned, it is noise. Sister, release the guilt so you can make room for something more. I love you. 🌻
Love, Jenny
Do you long for God-led, safe space where you can process, heal and get the guidance you need for reconciliation? I can help you. Go here to apply for your free consultation.
Jenny Good is a Podcaster, Certified Cognitive Behavioral Coach and Certified Family Estrangement Coach. She is a Thought Leader in reconnecting mothers and adult children, and specializes in family estrangement, reconciliation and emotional healing support for Christian estranged mothers.
