What can an estranged grandparent do for her grandchild if she’s not allowed to have contact or send gifts?

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Now that we’re moving into the Christmas Season, I want to talk to you about a subject I see coming up a lot. How do you cope with not being permitted, by your estranged son or daughter, to send Christmas gifts to your grandchild?

I’ve been giving this some thought and in this post I’m going to tell you 3 things you can do for your grandchild for Christmas, that you do not need your son or daughter’s permission for.

Before I move into the 3 things to do for your grandchild this Christmas, let’s have a quick word about 2 resources I have for you...

I know the weeks and days leading up to Christmas can bring up some hard feelings when you’re in the midst of a family estrangement. It can feel like there’s nothing to do except look back on bittersweet memories and miss the times when things were better.

I created a downloadable guide for you called 12 Days of Christmas. This guide gives you simple things to do each day for the 12 days leading up to Christmas… things that help you feel better, bless others and create new memories around Christmas time.

It’s all laid out in a neat, easy to follow digital guide. You can download your 12 Days of Christmas guide here.

The other resource I have for you is our growing Facebook community. In this private, free Facebook group you can get support, give support to others and share what’s on your heart.

We have a kind and caring group of Christian women in the estranged moms support community, and I’d love to have you with us too. I am in the group regularly and I post journal prompts, inspirational posts and I’m there to answer your questions about estrangement.

To join us, go to estrangedmoms.community Having that positive, like minded support network makes a big difference. I hope to see you there.

Okay, friend, let’s talk about…

3 things you can do for your grandchild, even if your estranged daughter or son has cut off all contact between you

#1 - Create a Grandmother’s book.

Someday, your grandchild might very well come seeking you out. Wanting to know you. Wanting to explore a possible relationship with you. Wouldn’t it be nice to have something to show them that you were thinking of them all that time?

Go out and get a beautiful journal. I like spiral bound journals. I think they keep better than the ones with the glued in type of binding. The pages don’t come out as easily in the spiral bound ones, I think. But you get whatever you love.

Each Christmas, birthday or other special days, write a little letter in that journal. Maybe take a picture and show them the dinner you made or a blanket you knitted for a gift to a neighbor or whatever is on your heart to share with them about that day.

When it’s their birthday, make a cake and take a photo and put it on the page. Put prayers and Scriptures in the book for them. You can also share special recipes passed down from your parents, or anything else that feels special to you. The idea is to let them know they were on your mind and in your heart.

Word of caution here. Avoid speaking negatively about their parents. Don’t involve your grandchild in the estrangement story. For example, avoid saying something like, “I have always wanted to spend every Christmas with you but your dad and I were estranged and he refused to allow me to see you or call. I tried but he wouldn’t agree to it.”

Even if every word of it is true, it puts your grandchild in an uncomfortable position and involves them in the problem between your child and you. Steer clear of that.

If someday they ask you why you were not around, you can say that there were some problems between their mom or dad, whichever the case is, and you… and that you respected their wishes that you not contact them when they were younger.

If they ask other questions at that time, it’s best to get the guidance of a specially trained therapist or estrangement coach to guide you through how to best respond so that you are honest without hurting your grandchild.

#2 - Spend focused time in intercessory prayer for your estranged grandchild

When I’m working with my clients, one of the things I teach them is how to be strong intercessory pray’ers for their estranged adult children, and the same holds true for your grandchild.

There are multiple ways to do this, but one of them that I love is to pray Scriptures over them. Go into your Bible and find 3 Bible verses that you want for your estranged grandchild. If you are praying for multiple grandchildren, find 3 verses for each of them. Then, pray them out loud, inserting their names into the verses where you can.

For example, if your grandson’s name was David, you might pray 2 Thessalonians 3:3 over him by saying,

“Lord, you are faithful. I believe You will establish DAVID and guard him against the evil one, as is said in Thessalonians 3:3.”

You can also use Open Bible.info for finding the verses you want to use. To do that, go to https://www.openbible.info/topics and then type something into the search box. You might type “protection” or “love”… whatever you want to find verses about. The website pulls up verses related to that topic. I love that website. It’s really helpful.

#3 - Give to others, in your estranged grandchild’s name

Even if your estranged daughter or son will not allow you to give your grandchild something directly right now, you can do something for another child in their name.

Find a Toys for Tots donation drive, or ask your pastor if you can purchase gifts for children of a family in need. You could also make a monetary donation to a children’s organization in your grandchild’s name.

Whatever you decide to give, pray over it before giving. Ask God to bless the child receiving it as well as your grandchild, in whose name you are doing this act of kindness.

In this way, you get to bless 2 people instead of one. God can use your obedience and kindness in ways you might never have imagined.

My hope for you…

All 3 of these ideas give you ways to bless your grandchild without needing permission from your son or daughter. You can feel good about how you grandparented them from a distance this Christmas Season.

Jude 1:2

Mercy unto you, and peace, and love, be multiplied.

And that, sister mom, is my hope for you this Christmas Season, and always.

3 Things To Do For Your Grandchild This Christmas That Do NOT Require Your Estranged Child’s Approval!