Healing Family Estrangement With This Lesson From Job
The story of job provides a map for biblical healing of family estrangement
Are you familiar with the story of Job in the Bible? The story of Job gives Biblical instruction you can use to help heal family estrangement from your adult son or daughter.
In this podcast episode (and blog post), I’ll walk you through…
Commonly felt emotions when you’re dealing with estrangement from your child
How the story of Job relates to the estrangement from your child.
3 things to put into practice, that could end the estrangement from your child, based on the story of Job
being cut off by your child brings up hard emotions.
When you’re estranged from your adult child, it’s hard to avoid feelings of resentment or anger. Even if you know you made some mistakes as a parent, you probably feel you don’t deserve to be cut off in this way. And in almost all cases, you’d be correct about that.
You miss your child, and at the same time you feel hurt, frustrated, betrayed or judged by them. Sometimes there is a girlfriend, wife, boyfriend or husband who’s behind the scenes, driving the estrangement. And if so, you are angry with them for encouraging this division.
And then there’s just the general unfairness of the whole situation of being estranged from your child. You’re angry and sad at the situation itself.
With so many emotions happening all at once, it’s confusing to know how to think, and what to do. Maybe you feel like you’ve lost everything.
There’s a sense of loss specific to family estrangement from an adult child.
When I was estranged from my daughter, I felt stunned at the amount of loss in my life. There was the loss of what I thought was a close relationship with her. And there was also a perceived loss of my identity and the plans I thought we had made for our future as a family.
It certainly was much different than anything I had envisioned. I felt stripped of my dignity and my sense of self, security and our family unit.
Maybe you can relate. Do you feel like you’ve lost everything?
That brings me to the story of Job in the Bible.
Job was a good man who was put to the test through a series of major losses in his life. He lost his money, his business, his health and his children.
His wife, who he was looking at as the last person in his family he had left, told him to curse God and die. He must have felt so upset, angry, isolated and sad. Like he had lost everything.
And then came his friends, who didn’t seem much like friends in his dark time. Several of Job’s friends came to see him, but it wasn’t an entirely supportive visit, as one might expect at a time of sickness and loss.
Instead, his friends suggested that Job, or his family, must have done wrong and caused the bad things that had happened in his life. Instead of their empathy, he received their suspicion and blame.
Job vacillated between agony and anger. He was angry at his friends and spoke sharply to them. He even spoke incorrectly towards God.
He was wrong. Job was no doubt in great emotional and physical pain, and breaking inside.
But then God spoke to Job and reminded him of who He (God) is. Job was humbled and knew that he had disrespected God in some of the things he said after the trouble befell him. Job repented for his careless words. He also began praying for his friends.
This action of praying for those who mistreated him is pivotal. I want you to pay close attention to this.
Job 42:10 says:
And the Lord turned the captivity of Job, when he prayed for his friends: also the Lord gave Job twice as much as he had before.
When Job prayed for those who had spoken out against him, and hurt him... Those who were supposed to be his friends, but had accused him wrongly in his time of sorrow and affliction… When Job prayed for them, God freed him and restored him double what he had lost.
Now, a side note here… some people might ask how God restored him double regarding the loss of his children. The answer to that is that God gave Job the same number of children he lost - thus he was blessed with double the number of children.
People go on forever, in the afterlife. Whether they go to Heaven or hell, a person goes on. So Job was still a father to that number of children he had lost, plus God gave him that number of children again. So God did double all of what Job lost.
What then, do I want you to take from this and apply to your family estrangement situation?
I want you to do 3 things with this information.
First, search your heart. See if there is any time where you spoke wrongly toward or about God, or any person involved in the estrangement. Has your attitude been bitter? Have you doubted God in any way? If so, as Job did… repent of that.
Next, look at what Job 1:20 says:
Then Job arose and tore his robe and shaved his head and fell on the ground and worshiped.
Job worshiped God even when he had just found out that he had sustained massive loss, including every one of his precious children. He was in mourning and agony, and yet he worshiped.
You can praise God in the midst of the estrangement. Even if you feel you’ve lost everything. God is always worthy of our worship. I believe there are 2 ways out of many dark situations - pray your way out and praise your way out. Do not fail to worship God. Not only for what He can do for you but because of Who He Is.
The third thing I want you to do based on this study of Job is to pray for those involved in the estrangement - including anyone who has done you wrong. Whether it be your son or daughter, their spouse, in-laws or someone else.
That might feel really hard, especially if there are others involved like a gatekeeper spouse or a mother-in-law. But pray for them, earnestly and with radical love. You don’t have to agree with them or love what they do, but you must love them. Their soul.
Job was then freed and restored, and you can be too.
After Job prayed for those who hurt him, accused him and were supposed to be there for him but let him down… he was freed and restored. So we know it matters to God that you do this.
I firmly believe that if you do these 3 things from a place of love, obedience and strong faith, you will see something move. It might take time and consistency, but only believe.
Okay, friend. That’s what I have for you this time, and I hope it blesses you.
Love, Jenny
Do you long for God-led, safe space where you can process, heal and get the guidance you need for reconciliation? I can help you. Go here to apply for your free consultation.
Jenny Good is a thought leader in family estrangement healing. As a Certified Family Estrangement Coach, Jenny helps Christian estranged moms defy the devil, increase their chances of reconciling with their adult children, and live happier lives in the meantime.
