Be Careful Little Eyes What You See
Estrangement has a spiritual component. guard your gateways.
Family estrangement from an adult child is a nuanced and multi-layered nightmare. Recovering the relationship involves your emotional regulation and healing, as well as learning to communicate differently with your child.
But there’s also a spiritual war woven into estrangement. You can’t always see it, it’s real. And without even realizing it, you might be helping the enemy wound your heart and block your path toward reconciling with your estranged adult child.
In this podcast episode (and blog post), I’ll walk you through…
Why guarding specific spiritual entry points matters greatly
2 spiritual gates you must protect for your spiritual and emotional well-being
Examples of red flags for your gateways
Read the blog post below…
Let’s talk about guarding your eye gates and your ear gates.
Guarding your eye gates and ear gates might sound like new terms to you. So let me explain… This type of guarding is among the ways the Lord gives us to protect our hearts, and that includes - perhaps especially - during estrangement from your child.
Do you remember the Sunday School song about “Be careful little eyes what you see?” There is wisdom in that song. We need to be mindful about what we allow to enter the gates of our eyes and our ears. Those gates are potential entry points for the enemy.
Estrangement already brings its own pain… its own ache. And what you let in… what you look at, what you listen to… can either heal your heart or keep it broken.
Your eyes and ears are portals, or gateways, to deeper parts of you.
If you do not guard them wisely, the enemy will gladly exploit the opportunity to bring you all the way down.
This is especially a concern when you’re going through a vulnerable time, such as in the estrangement from your son or daughter.
Proverbs 4:23 says Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life.
Guarding your heart means being intentional about what comes in through the gates of your eyes and ears.
What you feed on matters.
What you let in repeatedly, and what you meditate on, starts occupying more space in your mind, and can begin to form - or change - your beliefs.
It shapes the vocabulary you use about yourself, about your child… about your estrangement story.
Proverbs 18:21 teaches us about the importance and power of what we say. But before words come out of your mouth, they’re formed in your thoughts, and your thoughts are often shaped by what you consume.
So what you let through your eyes and ears doesn’t just stay there, it settles in your heart. And what settles in your heart comes out in your words, your actions and the atmosphere you carry.
Let’s look at some examples of unhealthy inputs that can Enter your ear gates or eye gates…
Maybe you’ve been listening to the negative words of others about your child… people telling you “They’ll never change” or “You’d be better off moving on without them.”
Maybe you’ve been staring at your child’s social media, reading the terrible things they’ve posted about you. You go back again and again, even though it leaves you feeling shattered sometimes.
Perhaps you watch TikTok videos where estranged adult children spew venom about their parents, and you find yourself wondering, “Is that what my child thinks of me?”
Or maybe you’ve joined a Facebook group, or you’ve been listening to a podcast where the tone is cynical and dismissive about hope of reconciliation. They tell you that forgiveness is foolish, and that “moving on without them” is the way to be respectable and strong.
Do you see how those inputs shape your thoughts, your words and your faith posture? Do you feel how heavy that makes your heart?
This is why the Bible instructs us to guard the heart. Because when you let bitterness, despair or cynicism enter your heart through the gates of your eyes and ears, it colors how feel and how you see your child.
It influences how you feel, what you believe and whether you step into the role of Medicine Matriarch - or retreat behind walls built from fear and anger.
It shapes whether you pray bold, radical prayers…
or stop praying altogether.
Here’s the trajectory…
What you consume with your eyes and ears leads to what you dwell on in your mind.
What you dwell on shapes your heart’s atmosphere.
The atmosphere of your heart flows into your words and actions.
And then, those words and actions set the path for reconciliation - or for more distance.
This can also reach into your other relationships, as well.
If your heart is filled with negativity because of what you’ve let in, you show up discouraged, unforgiving and bitter. That pushes your estranged child farther away.
But if your heart is filled with life-giving truth from the Word of God…
with the encouragement of prayer
with reminders of hope…
then you show up steady, confident and open to receive the goodness of God.
You show up in forgiveness and radical love. That’s the medicine that heals hearts and mends broken relationships with our adult children.
Scripture is clear on this.
Psalm 101:3 says
I will set no wicked thing before mine eyes: I hate the work of them that turn aside; it shall not cleave to me.
Romans 10:17 tells us
Faith cometh by hearing, and hearing by the word of God.
What you look at and what you listen to is not neutral. It either fills you with light or with darkness.
Jesus said in Matthew 6:22
The light of the body is the eye: if therefore thine eye be single, thy whole body shall be full of light.
That’s why we must guard the gates.
how do you know what to allow through your eye gates and ear gates, and what to block?
I want to give you a three-part filter. Write this down, because it can be a compass for your daily choices:
1 - Does it align with the Bible?
If something you hear contradicts Scripture — if it discourages forgiveness, hope, prayer or Godly love — that’s a red flag. Always test it against the Bible.
2 - What does Jesus say when you pray about it?
Take it to the Lord in prayer. If you feel the peace of Christ as you consider the content in question, that’s a good indicator that you are okay to listen to, or look at, that thing. But if you feel unrest, agitation, or a lack of peace… consider it a warning to stay away from it.
3 - What fruit does it produce?
Maybe you don’t see a clear Bible verse, and maybe you’re not totally sure if you’ve heard from the Lord yet. Then ask yourself: How do I feel after consuming this content?
This is the fruit of that content - how it makes you feel.
If you feel bitter, hopeless or generally worse after listening or watching, then it might not be good food for you. If you feel encouraged, comforted and drawn closer to God, that’s a positive sign.
These three filters: The Word, prayer, and the fruit - let these things guide your choice.
So, choose carefully what you read, watch and listen to. Not every one and every thing should get full access to you.
Fill your ears with Scripture, worship music, sermons that speak truth and build your sense of hope, and conversations with people who believe God can reconcile broken relationships.
Fill your eyes with the Word, with uplifting testimonies, with beauty that reminds you of God’s goodness…
Put yourself in environments where Jesus is at the center.
Guard your gates.
To recap, remember your 3-part filter
Does it align with the Bible?
What does Jesus say when you pray?
How does it leave you feeling afterward?
Hold that as your compass. You can choose what you allow in.
Okay, friend. That is what I have for you this time, and I hope it blesses you.
Love, Jenny
Do you long for God-led, safe space where you can process, heal and get the guidance you need for reconciliation? I can help you. Go here to apply for your free consultation.
Jenny Good is a Podcaster, Certified Cognitive Behavioral Coach and Certified Family Estrangement Coach. She is a Thought Leader in reconnecting mothers and adult children, and specializes in family estrangement, reconciliation and emotional healing support for Christian estranged mothers.
