Your Estranged Child Treats Their In Laws Better Than You
does your estranged child favor their in-laws over you?
When you see your in-laws being treated with love and respect, but you are being cut out and given the silent treatment, it hurts. It makes you angry. And you can’t help but think… you were there for them, and yet this other person gets the red carpet treatment while you’re pushed aside. Not a good feeling.
In this podcast episode (and blog post), I’ll walk you through…
Why this kind of comparison is harmful to you
How the Bible addresses comparison
2 steps to break the comparison cycle that’s hurting you
Feeling like an outsider
Today we’re unpacking a thorny issue: comparison with your estranged child’s in-laws (or anyone else who seems to get the red-carpet treatment while you’re left outside the velvet rope). It’s a hurt that can feel unbearable, as if you’re a stranger who is on the outside looking in.
When you scroll social media and see your estranged child laughing in matching Christmas pajamas with their spouse’s family, something inside you clenches.
Or maybe it’s the way the in-laws get to keep the grandchild overnight, while you only catch second-hand glimpses of them online.
Regardless of how it’s happening, it’s hard not to compare how the in-laws are being treated with how you’re being (mis)treated.
Perhaps you think, “I was there for every scraped knee, every school event… I sacrificed and showed them love, so why do these other people get the smiles now?”
Why Comparison Hurts More Than It Helps
The sorrow is real and valid. Yet comparison is a cruel mirror: it magnifies your pain while offering no path forward. Those curated snapshots show their highlight reel; you’re measuring it against the raw footage of your lowest moments. Apples to oranges… and your dear heart is the casualty.
The Spiritual Cost of Comparison
Comparison fertilizes bitterness, resentment and insecurity. The enemy loves to harvest the fruits of those seeds. Each time you rehearse why them and not me, you strengthen the very agenda that seeks to keep your family fractured. Your emotional energy is precious; don’t give it to the devil.
A Biblical Perspective on “Stay in Your Own Lane”
Do you remember John 21:22? Peter tried to peek into another disciple’s destiny, and Jesus answered, “If I will that he tarry till I come, what is that to thee? follow thou me.” Translation: eyes on your own path, beloved. God’s plan for your estranged child and you is unique. When you focus on His assignment for your heart, the distractions lose power.
Two Steps to Break the Comparison Cycle
1. Pray for Release and Refill
Ask Jesus to break the spirit of comparison from you, and to pour in empathy, love and laser-focus on His path for you.
You might pray:
“Lord, I release every jealous and fearful thought. Infuse me with Your peace and refocus my eyes on the journey You want for me and my estranged child. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.”
2. Re-Script Your Thoughts
Identify the core belief fueling your pain. For example, it could be: “My daughter has replaced me with her mother-in-law.”
Now craft an intentional, God-aligned thought to practice daily:
“God hand-picked me to be my daughter’s mom. Her bond with her mother-in-law does not diminish my place. In due season, our relationship can heal. I choose calm confidence.”
Neural pathways change through repetition. Give yourself 30–90 days of diligent practice. The freedom on the other side of this is so worth the work. Remember, when your brain resists the new thought, it’s proof of change taking place. Just like sore muscles from the gym signal positive change in your body, brain resistance also signals you are changing for the better.
An Invitation to Deeper Healing
If comparison has become a daily torment and you’re ready for a different story, I’m here to help. Estrangement coaching provides a Christ-centered roadmap to inner healing, emotional regulation and, when the time is right, reconnection with your estranged child.
You Cannot Be Replaced
Their matching pajamas and Instagram reels are not a true threat. You are irreplaceable. Exhale the fear of being left behind and inhale the truth: God still writes redemption stories, and yours is in process. Be gentle with your heart today.
Love, Jenny
Do you long for God-led, safe space where you can process, heal and get the guidance you need for reconciliation? I can help you. Go here to apply for your free consultation.
Jenny Good is a Podcaster, Certified Cognitive Behavioral Coach and Certified Family Estrangement Coach. She is a Thought Leader in reconnecting mothers and adult children, and specializes in family estrangement, reconciliation and emotional healing support for Christian estranged mothers.
